Hi!

As it's coming up for the New Year here's an apropriate one...

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

There’s my next door neighbour Fred
He keeps standing on his head
He thinks that he was born Australi-an
His wife, she gets confused
Always talking to his shoes
Resolves that he must stop it if he can!

My Uncle Jeremiah
He’s resolved to join the choir
But he hasn’t got a voice –
And that’s the truth!-
I suppose it’s just as well
Cos the choir sounds like hell
Like cats a-caterwauling on the roof!

Cousin Paul says it’s no joke
He will keep away from smoke
No cigarettes will touch his lips no more -
He’s bought a ciggy holder
That stretches from his shoulder
Around the room - and then straight out the door!

Last year my cousin Emma
Faced a terrible dilemma -
Should she abstain from chocolates or sex?
Her husband, Cousin Jay
Didn’t notice either way
But the milkman – he was looking rather vexed.

Auntie Maude resolved her thighs
To reduce by exercise
But Uncle Ted was full of “ifs” and “buts” -
A wife with slimmer thighs
Would be pleasing on the eyes,
But who the hell would crack his Christmas nuts?