That Nagging feeling...

Our latest Poetry and Prose threw up the following words -
Coaster, jug, crutch, publican, freezing, pomegranate.

from which came -

There’s a mediaeval tavern in the centre of the town
Where the Publican he used to be a clown
But he left that job he'd chosen
When he married Sadie Rosen
And ever since his face has worn a frown.

When he met her she was serving
From behind a bar in Durban
And the fellows they came flocking to her bar
She dispensed real beer and coffee
From her jugs both full and frothy
With a taste of Eastern Promise - Oo-la-la!

In all weathers, hot or freezing
Sadie had a way of pleasing -
All her customers were satisfied as hell
Her Pyms were full and fruity
Apples, grapes, a pear of beauty
And served with Pomegranate seeds as well.

Our Clown, whose name was Solly
Wooed Sadie and felt jolly
When she said she’d plight her troth with him and wed
And with all her loving touches
He cried out and called for crutches
When he tried to get up from their marriage bed!

But his joy was short and snappy
Solly ended far from happy
For he hadn’t really known the girl he'd wed –
She was something of a tartar
And he near became a martyr
Wishing that he wasn’t wed, but dead.

For Sadie was a wild shrew
Her words of praise were very few
Every sentence that she uttered was a nag
In a voice so shrill and strident
Like a Devil with a Trident
She nagged and nagged and nagged and nagged and nagged.

“You’re still acting like a clown!
See that toilet seat stays down!
Don’t put wet spoons in the sugar
Oi! You’re driving me meshugga* -
Don’t get finger marks on toaster
Every cup must have a coaster
When you put it on the table -
Read the date that’s on the label!
Oi! You always were a messer
And you're such a greedy fresser!**
You eat just like a pig -
You’ve got gravy in you're wig
Oi! You're such a useless jerk
Never done a real day's work…
Nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag!”

Solly rued the day he’d got her –
And finally he shot her
But even as her lifeblood flowed away
She nagged “You stupid Mug
Just look at our best rug! -
Why didn’t you just poison my glass of Beaujolais?”


* = mad ** = greedy eater